Realms Away - The Realms Away Struggle (Personal Vent)

Preface

First it is important to note that i don't plan to just throw everything away and discontinue my work here at the drop of a hat. Rather, I would like to share this to see if maybe anyone has some thoughts that may help, and frankly, just to be transparent/get it off my chest.

Me & the Adopt Community

I have been around this community and doing adoptables for a long time, since around 2017 with Gleamstic/Nektanine as my first attempts on CS, with a discord or dA group respectively. I grew disillusioned with the community for years because I don't agree with many practices within it, but eventually decided I was not going to let that take away my personal fun of creating species. This saw the creation of Lopilu in late 2021 (I think). I wanted to make something that fixed the issues I had with my previous attempts, and try something new. They had a toyhou.se world, and were posted on my discord as well. Eventually, I randomly decided to build a website for my stuff because I work as a programmer. I did this from scratch initially. As such the page was unique and became Realms Away V1. It had many species, daily activities, very heavy neopets influence. But it also had many issues such as proper Masterlist management, currency management and many many tiny things. This is why, when learning about Lorekeeper, I decided to move to it and start Realms Away V2 from scratch. This solved many default tasks I previously had painstakingly tried to build by myself, and opened new possibilities. I was stoked. RA V2 is what you are on right now, and it is runnin since July 2023.

Motivation

Initially i was very motivated to work on stuff, and sometimes I still am especially when it comes to new code to do, and new thoughts I want to add. I tend to be the type that can't stick to one thing forever and likes to jump between many different species and designs as I love variety. As such making something to house all my favorite species and designs seemed like a fun idea at first. I have always loved designing adopts, and giving them all a home without excluding any seemed like the way to go. I like to see people play, engage and enjoy their characters on here. Overall, I think it was a cool project and I don't regret that I started it even now.

My Grievances

I have finally decided to write this up because I find myself bouncing back to these every now and then, and I really wish I would not. I also want to make clear that no single or specific person or communities are to blame for any of these. Rather, it is just things that were not meant to be, and time changing the way I see my older ideas.

Feeling alone

While I have had a couple good mods over the course of 7 years, overall it has always been incredibly hard to find them. Through most of the time I worked on group stuff, I worked on almost everything by myself: code, assets, lore, adopts, approvals, general management. Im in a fortunate position now where I have a small group of people that really help out with approvals, general site help and the discord, bless you all. But I still do a lot, all of it beside my day job. And I still lack one thing that I have always been missing: a small, active group of friends that works together to create something and bounce ideas, rather than me doing all the event/lore/thinking work alone. Over the past months, observing other groups, I have found myself craving this more and more, losing the drive to really do stuff for Realms because I want to - where I just end up forcing it because it is planned, and I tend to stick to my plans.

Too much going on

As much as I love the idea of giving all sorts of designs I make a "home" on Realms Away, I find myself not enjoying it at all times. If i look at groups i want to join as a member, it tends to be focused on a single species (or their sister species at most), Theming something around one species only seems much more coherent, fun and less overwhelming to me. With bimonthly events, some species just wait forever to get their time to shine! When trying to include everything, I already feel bad because it's not quite everything I do. For example, some of my personal concepts will never make it here because they do not fit. This is inconsistent, and my brain hates inconsistencies. I feel like i would enjoy a smaller focus ARPG a lot more, and I'd like to work on it, but at the same time RA holds me back from doing so.

Traits that are overarching are so difficult to do for this many species as well. I can't trait cool stuff like wings because it doesn't make sense for angels or demons or dragons, for example. While i generally like what we have (I spent a long time thinking about it after all), it's just another layer of "god I wish it wasn't so complicated". Of course, this is also a huge load on mods and GA who have to understand all these different species and their silly little limits. This leads to more inconsistencies.

Species regrets

Gleamstic unfortunatly are something that I would never have created anymore today, and a species I don't see myself ever using again. As you can imagine, it's not fun to keep something up that I have no love for anymore because by design, they are a bad species to me right now. Yet the things I don't like about them is not something I think is fixable or worth fixing 7 years later, since it concerns one of their main design points. I also wish I did a bit more with beastling, they are quite basic, even if I definitely want a lil guy species of my own still. And as much as i love Arma Caeli myself, I know they are difficult to use for most, and as such I have to question if it's worth having them around. I wanted the ARPG to have ways to enter without CS labels through generic species, but I wonder if they just add uneccessary bloat and if it could be handled in a better way.

Is there any good solution?

This is honestly difficult and the reason I am publishing this in the first place. I genuinely feel stuck, both with RA as is and my feelings towards it. I keep thinking this is fine, but days later I feel all these grievances so strongly again. This could be related to my mental state in general (I am trying to find help on this front, but I don't forsee an easy fix). For this reason, I don't want to jump to fast actions or a badly executed shutdown of RA - but at the same time, I can't just keep at it without a course of action that might spell betterment.

On one hand, the idea of a dedicated thing for only one or two species is exciting to me and I can feel that I'd love to plan and set it up.

On the other, if I end up doing it all alone again who's to say it won't eventually get stuck in the same spot as RA? Who's to say I will keep enjoying it? Who's to say it will be worth giving up RA for? And that I won't miss RA?

I post this in hopes that maybe anyone has any idea on what I could do in this situation, preferably something that doesn't destroy one thing completely in favor of a risky new thing, but I also know I won't be able to keep things up forever as is. And i really want to keep doing things that you can enjoy. Unfortunately, to do this, I must enjoy it consistently myself.

If anyone has thoughts on this, please feel free to DM me on discord. I would really appreciate it.

Thank you for reading my novel. /vent over.

25 Comments

Comments

GutsandGays

I know I’m coming in here late but it took me a while to try and articulate my thoughts so here it goes I totally understand being overwhelmed and feeling like you’re alone, I couldn’t imagine the stress and exhaustion running all of this by yourself would bring and how that could turn you sour against your own project. Often times the longer I feel like I let things sit the more I being to see the faults in my own work and wish to completely scrap them. It’s times like this I always like to remind myself of that cake meme (this one https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQQphY9T10Hzk3X6nSX31v0HeL5KI6Ifiw9DVYgJTy1lxSUAZHcZ4gQ7yQ&s=10) I feel too often we get accustomed to what we do well and only focus on our mistakes. We spend so long looking at our own works under a microscope we forget that most people from the outside will only look at the big picture. They see our strengths far more than our weaknesses. But I know from experience you can say these words until you’re blue in the face and have people shout it in your ear but that won’t stop your brain from believing whatever it wants to believe. Ultimately it does come down to whatever you feel like you would be most comfortable doing. If it does continue to cause you stress and deep discomfort to continue running the site (as is or at all) then do what is best for your well being. I would encourage you to really sit down and think about all the outcomes though. I know it’s easier said then done, by try to seperate yourself from the doom-and-gloom mindset. I would hate to see you regret something because you tried to be like the other sites. Realms away is yours, from its very foundations to the skin it wraps itself in, your creative influence has touched every corner of it and shaped it in your image. Don’t ever feel like you have to cut it, trim it and force it into the shape of all the other sites. That being said, I want to talk about my personal experiences with Realms having help run a site like it and being on other humanoid ARPGs. One of my favourite things about it is the options of species to use, including the generic ones! I strongly dislike sticking to one species and my worlds are a blended mess where planetary travel and inter societal conflict is commonplace. It’s a very strong need of mine to have different species with different societies interact, and having that being a foundation of the site made me really excited. Your world building gives just enough to spark inspiration but not enough to feel controlling and rail-roady. I find myself wishing other sites had more variety, I even find the free humans really interesting! I do completely understand how that could be very overwhelming, I’ve had to give up my hopes of having my own site and personal species due to the workload dex, lock and kipis have given me, and I work with a good amount of people! The fact you were doing everything before, INCLUDING MONTHY events completely blew me away when we started. AND maintaining a job? I wouldn’t have lasted a second, you truly are a Wonder Woman. That being said as a user I personally don’t mind if every species is spotlighted, I can build the generic species up enough on their own with my own ideas and headcanons, so long as they can participate in the events I’m happy as a clam! I suppose the earlier cake meme applies here too, I don’t care if they’re rough around the edges I’m just happy to have some cake. Oop this was already way too long, I said I would write an essay and I did. I guess I will cut it off here, but just let you know that you are your own, the community you have forged over the years is yours. Do with that what you will :)

2024-10-03 00:16:37

Akasira

Cy, having been here since the beginning of Gleamstic- just know that I support you no matter what you do and what road you choose to go. I've only seen you grow from those years, and I look forward to how you continue to grow currently! Just know that my messages are always open to you- as a confidant, as a member, or as a friend! I understand feeling the burnout and the stagnation of things all too well- and being unsure where to go next. Those feelings of content, to those feelings of loss- I understand as well as other people will also understand. Whatever you choose to do though, I'm here for you and I support you still in those endeavors. It's definitely hard, and being open about those feelings is also a sign of growth. I wish you only the best!

2024-10-01 20:36:13