Attempted Atonement

He checked his notes for the umpteenth time, biting at his lip–perfect, this had to be absolutely perfect. Even just the tiniest error could lead to catastrophe, all the texts said, and he couldn’t afford for this to go wrong. For her sake. He had prepared for the worst, of course, and he suspected that his old friend was suspicious of his actions, but Ledimir had arrived just the same, and agreed to watch over Higanbana for the day. The snow-and-ink colored Lopilu knew that his old friend and former mentor could be trusted with the girl, and would probably watch her longer if needed but–well, Tsukito didn’t want to entertain the idea. So many things had gone wrong for him before, but just once, he prayed this would work.

He had studied over every text he could get his hands on for months, and taken notes on all of them. He’d practiced the writing components of the spell until he could replicate all of the characters blindfolded, and saw them in his sleep. Though neither he nor Higanbana liked to be alone for long, Tsukito had gone so far as to collect all the other physical components of the spell himself because this was too important to leave to anyone else. Now, all his labor was finally about to bear fruit.

It was a curious feeling, knowing that he might finally be able to atone for his gravest mistake, that he might finally be able to restore Higanbana’s smile. With that thought, the Lopilu paused in his preparations. If he was successful, would she still keep the name Higanbana? The girl had renamed herself after the flower of partings on the same day that she’d granted him his own name, but would she return to being called Renai when her father was returned to her? After a few more moments of contemplation, Tsukito shook his head and sighed. In the end, it didn’t really matter what she was called, he supposed. Not so long as she was happy.

Focusing on his work again, Tsukito set his notes aside in order to put the final touches on his summoning circle, and when he was finished, he took a step back to give it one final glance-over. It was as perfect as he was going to get, he figured, given that his research had been pulled from dozens of sources on forbidden magic practices. He understood why it was forbidden, of course. All his research indicated resurrection magic was often finicky, rarely producing the intended results, or occasionally demanding greater costs than any sane person would pay, but he was willing to risk it. For Higanbana, and for the removal of this weight from his shoulders, he’d be willing to pay any cost. For the briefest moment, thoughts of the teenage girl he’d taken in flashed through his mind again–what if he failed? What if he made that smile vanish forever instead? What if– He shook his head again, as though the action might fling the thoughts away from him, and took his position beside the circle. Determined not to give himself more time to second guess the task at hand, Tsukito forced himself to start the chanting that would begin the ritual.

He was uncertain how long he attempted to work the magic, but for quite a long time, nothing happened. His magic drained, but the circle remained empty, and the components appeared untouched. Then, all at once, everything burst into brilliant, black flame. This Tsukito had expected, and kept at the magic until the flame began to form into the shape of another Lopilu at the center. Made from fire as it was, it was difficult to tell if the summoning had worked as he expected, and brought back his intended target. He had only seen Higanbana’s father once face to face, and a time or two in the few sketches the girl had of him. Neither seemed to help him identify the other form. Instead, it was the way that the figure cocked its head to the side that made Tsukito recognize his summoned spirit, and at once, his heart soared while his stomach sank. He knew who this was, and this was not his Haganbana's father. Was there truly so much greed in his heart that he’d somehow called a spirit closely entwined with his own past instead? “...Emer?” The name was little more than a breath in the near-silent clearing. Doing so would ruin the ritual, he knew, but how could he return to Ledimir and Higanbana with someone close to his own heart rather than the girl’s?

The flame-being’s shoulders jolted in a familiar motion of surprise before it bolted to the edge of the circle, seeming to hit a hard boundary there that sent it falling backwards, to the ground. In spite of his horror at his failing, Tsukito found himself moving from his original position, creeping closer to the fallen creature of flame. “Easy. easy,” he murmured. “There’s a boundary in place that you can’t cross. I’m sorry. This was…it was a mistake.” The familiar silhouette’s head cocked to the side once more before slowly, carefully, it sat up, then placed it’s hands out in front of it, as though feeling for the boundary more carefully. There was something…longing, about the gesture, almost a little inviting. Expectant, maybe. A small part of the Lopilu’s mind repeated his last spoken phrase–this was a mistake, this was a mistake, this was a mistake–but even still, he couldn’t help but reach out to the flame-being when he got close enough as well. It was a mistake, but it would be unkind to have summoned Emer here on accident, then given him nothing for his trouble.

As he reached out, Tsukito heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. “No, DON’T–” Ledimir’s familiar voice roared, but the moment he turned his head to find his friend and mentor, the creature of flame lunged forward, making a grab for his hands, and–

Blinding pain was all he knew, and the world around him vanished as he screamed.

~*~

“I knew you were reckless, Tsukito, but not an outright fool,” Ledimir’s voice greeted him when he woke. It was rare to hear anger in his fellow Shaman’s voice, but it was definitely there. “What were you thinking, trying dark magic like that? There’s a reason information on how to use it is scattered. I know that I taught you better than that! You don’t know what you’re getting into contact with, what you’re bringing over, what it’ll do… Miss Higanbana’s likely to string both of us up by our–well, likely to string me up by my thumbs when she sees you. She’ll have to get creative with you.”

“Mmm?” Was all the response that Tsukito could manage, partially awake as he was. The pain that had erupted in his hands before he passed out was now gone, replaced by a dull, throbbing ache, as well as another curious sensation that he couldn’t place. “...What…what do you mean that she’ll have to get creative with me?” He asked when he finally managed to string his thoughts together. He was met with a sigh, and the sound of something being set down.

“Your hands are covered in the same fire that made up whatever creature it was that answered your summons. It doesn’t appear to be burning you, and it’s not burning the sheets, but I doubt the Little Miss will be keen on trying to touch them herself any time soon.” He jerked one hand up from the bed to verify this, and looked over to where he’d heard Ledimir’s voice in horror. Indeed, his fingers seemed to emit that same black fire from before. The other pale Lopilu sat at a small table a few feet away, a teapot and cups sitting on the table in front of him. Belatedly, he realized that they were in his bedroom, meaning his old friend had carried him back home somehow without Higanbana spotting them, if she hadn’t seen his hands yet. Ledimir’s expression was somber as he looked back at Tsukito. “You’re lucky the results weren’t worse. Very lucky. Miss Higanbana and I are even luckier.”

“I just…I had hoped to erase a mistake. Higanbana deserves better than–than this,” he said, making a rough gesture with one flaming hand at the room around them, then himself. “She deserves a family. A real family. Her father, not a former Nightglade mercenary who has no idea what the hell he’s doing, and who helped destroy her life.” Across from him, the icy-furred Lopilu’s mouth tightened, and he shook his head.

“You’re doing a better job than you think, or you were until that idiotic stunt. Obviously I only visit from time to time, but with every visit I pay you two, she seems like she’s doing better. Her family now may not be what it was before, but you've kept her from falling apart completely, and she's done the same for you. That's not to say you haven't made mistakes, or that there aren't things in your past to make up for, since I know there are, but…promise me you won't try to make amends in that manner again? Miss Higanbana has already lost one father, I cannot imagine the pain that losing a second would cause her."

As Ledimir spoke, a tightness seized Tsukito's throat. She… "I promise that I will not try to make amends in that manner again," he managed to force out. Clearly the magic was too volatile to be used again, and he could neither bear the thought of seeing Emer a second time, nor the thought of giving Higanbana more reason to be sad. "It isn't worth the risk."